How do I get to the festival?

The address is 1657 Forest Hill Road in Apalachin, NY. You can use any of your favorite navigation programs to assist you. Or, you could go to AAA and get a TripTick.

Where do I park?

We have a formal vehicle parking area in the pasture loosely outlined by fencing. It is located to the right of the house, along the property line hedgerow. Feel free to pull in the driveway and proceed to drive through the lawn to the designated area.  There will be some type of directional information when you arrive.

Are dogs allowed on the premises?

Friendly dogs with responsible owners are fully allowed.  Please be aware that the festival grounds are not fenced in. Wandering pups and those with a penchant for attacking live poultry are discouraged. 

Do I need to check in when I get there?

Yes and no. There is not a super formal check in process but it is always a good idea to grab a Jerk you know and love, and if you haven’t met other Jerks yet, introduce yourself to the host committee/property owners throughout the weekend.

My goodies are filthy. Is there a shower available?

Yes. It may involve minor manual labor on your part to refill the shower for the next person, but there is an outdoor shower for campers.

I heard there is a pond! Is this available for anyone? How about my dogs and ferret?

There is a pond! We hope you will have time to enjoy a refreshing dip.  Children under 16 need supervision by a responsible adult while at the pond at all times.  Flotation devices are encouraged but other plastic toys are not allowed as they will inevitably end up at the bottom.  Dogs and pets are also allowed but not at the expense of others’ enjoyment of the water. 

Is there potable water?

Yes - stay hydrated! There are water coolers on the kitchen table which you will see from the barn area. If you find the water cooler empty, don’t hesitate to fill it up with the hose nearby. The water is well water and is safe and yummy.

Can I bring my RV?

RVs are a great way to enjoy a luxurious stay.  Due to spacing considerations, please let the Jerk that invited you know you plan to bring one.  This way we will know how many we need to plan to accommodate for and save ya space. 

I just saw the movie Pay It Forward, and would like to help out at the festival. What can I do to help my karma and possibly commute my inevitable sentence to spend eternity burning in hell?

So glad you asked! You can contribute to this festival and the next in a couple ways.

-You can buy us a beer on the jerkhamptonfamilyfest.com site where you may have bought your ticket.

-you can Venmo Colleen @mecoldoll and indicate your desire to support Jerkhampton with the emoji of your choosing

-You can simply stuff money in the pockets of your favorite Jerk that is a part of our wonky governing structure.  An unobtrusive pat on the rump is encouraged in this scenario.  

- Don’t have extra cash?  There are several tasks throughout the weekend like cleaning the grounds, emptying trash, chopping up vegetables, or even staying to help take stuff down - these labor tasks are a huge help to the Jerk committee that puts on this fun time.

What happens if I or my loved ones have a boo-boo?

There will be a medical kit available on site stocked with the basics of first aid, including a variety of common creams as well the usual needs for minor scrapes and maladies.  There is also a CPR mask and local emergency contact info with it. It will be in the bottom drawer of the supply bins in the kitchen area.  If emergency care is needed, we have a smattering of health care professionals in attendance that can be tapped for assistance.

I have a rash “down there.” Can your people help with that?

They would rather not, honestly,...

I am a level 3 vegan and don’t eat anything that casts a shadow. Can we bring our own food?

Yes. Meals are provided with weekend and day passes but that doesn’t preclude you from bringing your own food as well.

I really like your property, and I would like to squat on your land indefinitely. Is this cool?

Nope on a rope, but we do hope you will come again!

I bought a Friday only ticket. When do I need to leave on Saturday?

You are welcome to stay until the next evening’s music begins, but if you plan to eat lunch or dinner the next day, please purchase a meal ticket for each additional meal.

I can’t watch music sober. Do I need to bring my own alcohol?

Yes, feel free to bring your own beer, wine or liquor! You can leave a cooler in “cooler city.” Ice is available down the road apiece at Sweeney’s market.